Saturday 29 March 2014

Praise God for Same-Sex Marriages

Today, for the first time in the UK, same-sex couples can be legally married.  This is a wonderful victory for equality, and something to be celebrated.  God's grace, gifts & sacraments should be available to all.

On this momentous day, I'd like to offer a prayer and a blessing for all those who will be entering into marriages ...
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Prayer:
Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favour upon the world you have made, and especially upon those who will be committing to a life of love together from today.

Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counsellor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy.  Grant that their wills may be so knit together in your will, and their spirits in your spirit, that they may grow in love and peace with you and one another all the days of their life.

Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognise and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other’s forgiveness and yours.


Make their life together a sign of Christ’s love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair.  Give them such fulfilment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others. Protect them from those who would wish them harm, and surround them with your grace and a community that loves and supports them.

Grant that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united to one another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done now and forever; through Jesus Christ, our Saviour.

Amen.

Blessing:
May the blessing of God surround us
May angels and friends share our journey
May we be wise and strong and creative
May we celebrate life and hope
May we walk peacefully with Mother Earth.
May God’s image grow within us
May laughter and courage heal us
May the gospel of life sustain us
All the days of our journey home.
And may my own blessing be yours;
A blessing rooted in our common pilgrimage
The blessing of a friend.
Amen
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 Prayer, adapted from:
Ward, H. & Wild, J. (eds). Human Rites. Mowbray. 1995
 Blessing taken from:
The Iona Community; The Pattern of our Days. Wild Goose Pulbications. 1997
Burgess, R. & Galloway, K. (eds); Praying for the Dawn. Wild Goose Publications. 2000
Ward, H., Wild, J. & Morley, J. (eds); Celebrating Women. SPCK. 1995

Wednesday 26 March 2014

LGBTI Anglican Coalition's response to the House of Bishops's "Pastoral" Guidance

LGBTI Anglican Coalition
www.lgbtac.org.uk contact@lgbtac.org.uk
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21 February 2014. LGBTI Anglican Coalition Open Letter to House Of Bishops Regarding Pastoral Guidance On Same Sex Marriage, Issued 14 February 2014

Dear Bishops
As you are aware, the letter issued by the House of Bishops on St Valentine’s Day has profoundly undermined the hopes expressed by the Archbishop of Canterbury and others for “good disagreement”. The image of the church in wider society has been further damaged, with headline messages such as ‘Church of England in snub to gay community’.

We remain committed to the need for prayer and facilitated conversations, as recommended in the Pilling Report and requested by the Church of England. However, it is hard to see how such conversations can be productive, in the light of this statement. In an attempt to re‐establish some positive foundations, we request answers to the following questions:

First, we note the traditional Anglican ‘insistence upon the duty of thinking and learning as essential elements in the Christian life’ (Lambeth Conference 1930) and ‘facing with intellectual integrity the questions raised by modern knowledge’ (Lambeth 1958), which has led to change on such matters as contraception. Please could you clarify how the House of Bishops has sought to inform itself in a systematic way of the work of the numerous Anglican and other theologians from 1940 onwards who have argued that loving committed same‐sex partnerships should be affirmed, and demonstrate that it has seriously considered the arguments of more than a handful of these before issuing statements such as this pastoral guidance?

Secondly, in view of repeated calls from the Lambeth Conference since 1978 for deep study of sexuality, including dialogue with homosexual people, echoed by the Church of England from 1979, please could you explain how the findings from subsequent dialogue with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people and wider discussion have been collected by, and informed the thinking of, the House of Bishops?

Thirdly, given that the 1988 Lambeth Conference urged that such study and reflection take account of ‘the socio‐cultural factors that lead to the different attitudes in the provinces of our Communion’, how has the House of Bishops approached the difficult task of seeking to understand the socio‐cultural factors which might have influenced its members’ views on sexual ethics?

Fourthly, what efforts have been made to gather and analyse the comments of those who have studied Issues in human sexuality and Men and women in marriage, and how have the findings been taken into account in this pastoral statement?

Fifthly, as you know, there are many LGBTI clergy who, in good conscience seeking to model their household according to the way of Christ, are intending to marry or to convert their civil partnership to marriage. How will you ensure that these clergy can contribute fully and equally to the proposed discussions, without fear of sanction?

Finally, we would ask how you intend to resolve the issues of the presumed bipolarity of male and female in gender and sexual orientations and in their relationships in the light of the latest scientific and theological knowledge, so that all people, intersex, transgendered, lesbian, gay, bisexual and heterosexual, who seek to enter committed, loving and faithful relationships can find their rightful place within a renewed church which draws its teaching from the New Covenant and the unconditional love of Christ?

Yours sincerely
Mike Dark and John Blowers,
Joint‐Chair, LGBTI Anglican Coalition.

END


Member Groups
The Anglican Coalition provides UK based Christian LGBTI organisations with opportunities to create resources for the Anglican community and to develop a shared voice for the full acceptance of LGBTI people in the Anglican Communion.

The Group Members are as follows:
Accepting Evangelicals is a open network of Evangelical Christians who believe the time has come to move towards the acceptance of faithful, loving same‐sex partnerships at every level of church life.
http://www.acceptingevangelicals.org

Changing Attitude is a campaigning group drawn by God’s love to work for the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in the Anglican Communion.
http://www.changingattitude.org.uk

The Evangelical Fellowship for Lesbian and Gay Christians (EFLGC), formed in 1979, is a group of women and men, most of whom are lesbian, gay or bisexual and come from an evangelical Christian background.
http://www.eflgc.org.uk

Inclusive Church is a network of individuals and organisations working to break down the barriers to full inclusion at all levels of the Church of England.
http://www.inclusive‐church.org.uk

The Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement is a UK‐based international Charity which challenges
homophobia and transphobia, especially within the Church and faith based organisations.
http://lgcm.org.uk

The Sibyls is a UK‐based confidential Christian spirituality group for transgender people, and their
supporters.
http://www.sibyls.co.uk

The Two:23 Network is a new network of Christians, connected by LGBT issues that aims to include and encourage all to discover the love of God for themselves, pursue the call of Christ and live in a way that cherishes others just as God cherishes us. It has developed from the LGBT‐affirming ministry of Courage.
http://two23.net/

THE UK Intersex Association Intersex people are individuals whose anatomy or physiology differ from contemporary cultural stereotypes of what constitute typical male and female. The United Kingdom Intersex Association (UKIA) is an education, advocacy, campaigning and support organisation which works on behalf of Intersex people.
http://www.ukia.co.uk/

My response to the House of Bishops' "Pastoral" Guidance

On 15 February, the House of Bishops released their "Pastoral" Guidance on Same Sex Marriage (text here).  That they would draw up the document on Valentine's Day is a kick in the teeth, that they would embargo it until the next day is less than honest.

Following on from an article in the Church Times, where I offered my view on the House of Bishops' "Pastoral" Guidance (see a copy here), I'd like to add to what I expressed there, and give some context.

Two sections are of particular interest to me:
Acts of worship following civil same sex weddings
21.  The same approach as commended in the 2005 statement should therefore apply to couples who enter same-sex marriage, on the assumption that any prayer will be accompanied by pastoral discussion of the church's teaching and their reasons for departing from it. Services of blessing should not be provided. Clergy should respond pastorally and sensitively in other ways.Clergy and ordinands
27.  The House is not, therefore, willing for those who are in a same sex marriage to be ordained to any of the three orders of ministry. In addition it considers that it would not be appropriate conduct for someone in holy orders to enter into a same sex marriage, given the need for clergy to model the Church's teaching in their lives.
When it comes to equality, unless we are capable of preaching a positive message, we are - in fact - preaching a negative one.  If you produce something that mentions that the LGBT community and/or their relationships are a deviation from the norm, it will be used to oppress people.

As a Church, surely we have to be sending out a message that affirms, includes & CELEBRATES our LGBT community - their gifts, talents, hopes & dreams & their desire to commit to loving same-sex partners that will benefit their local community & our faith communities.

Currently, the message being given out is that we endure or tolerate our LGBT members ... which is a negative message, not a positive one.  You tolerate or endure an illness or a mouth ulcer, not a human being.

What's more, if you send out a message of tolerating or enduring someone, you're encouraging them to see themselves as a burden, as somehow less worthy than other members of the community, thereby adding to issues of self-worth and mental health. I believe the Church should be affirming and blessing people, not making them feel inferior or imperfect.

Sadly, though, once again, we are being asked to create an "Us and them" mindset. We are being asked to make the LGBT people in our congregations feel inferior by discussing with them how they've departed from Church teaching.  There are those that can, by their nature, live within Church teaching, and those who now, simply because of who they are, can never comply with it.

There is no way that church can be a welcoming place, while the institution aims to highlight the reasons why you are departing from Church teaching, rather than celebrate your presence & your gifts.  In addition, this difference which we are being asked to highlight will, in effect, enable others to discriminate against LGBT church members.
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To illustrate, I'll share some of my experiences under "Issues in Human Sexuality".  "Issues" was a guide to facilitate discussion in the Church on sexuality.

In reality, many Diocesan bishops, Diocesan Directors of Ordination and clergy used it as ratification to enforce their own bigoted views, and discipline anyone who didn't comply.  It was treated as Canon Law, rather than a discussion document. 

           I came to faith at the age of 17, and - at the age of 18 - entered into full-time ministry as a Pioneer Youth Worker & missionary in disadvantaged rural communities in South Africa.  From there, I entered into employment as a full-time Youth Pastor in my home diocese, where I worked for 6 years, developing a ministry across the city and across the diocese; training youth pastors, and running regional youth camps and mission and evangelism initiatives in several local schools, and - together with non-denominational groups - ran programmes that ministered to thousands of young people across the city over the summer holiday period.  I ran teen groups, junior groups, toddler groups, young adult groups and student groups, ran training events for youth groups and youth pastors.

            At the same time, I was struggling with my own sexual identity, but was aware of the wretched “Issues in Human Sexuality” document, and so remained celibate and desperately lonely, and even subjected myself to 3 years of reparative therapy and support groups aimed at making me straight.  They were the 3 single most miserable years of my life, where I began to believe that I either didn’t have enough faith to change who I was, or didn’t matter enough to God to be granted a change.  I lost contact with my family (the group & counsellor’s advice was that I was gay by nurture, and that I needed to distance myself from those that had caused me to have this “broken identity”), and I remember sharing with a friend that the only reason I did not commit suicide, was because I believed the hell I found myself in was somehow better than the hell I would go to for being gay.

            By this stage, I was also juggling a Theology degree by distance learning, and the Diocese had ordained me to the diaconate, and I was serving my curacy.  At my lowest point, my training rector asked me to confide in him what was going on in my private life, and I shared what I was feeling, grateful to get it out in the open.

            What followed was a systematic breakdown of my private and professional life; I was subjected to him spreading rumours about me around the parish, trying to force me into a relationship with the parish youth worker and - when we both refused - he tried to force us to cohabit in the parish house, he had public notices about me pinned to external noticeboards, stating that I had strayed and needed to be disciplined.

            When I approached the Diocese for help, I was reminded that rank mattered more than integrity, & was told that - as the junior priest - I would need to be disciplined.  I was removed from post and given 3 weeks to vacate the parish house, with no post to go to.

            Thankfully, I had the opportunity to leave there, and move to the UK.  After 9 years of ministry in that Diocese, the only sentence in my reference stated that, “it has come to our attention that this priest is gay, but this has not proven a problem yet.”

            That, thankfully is behind me, and I’m at peace with myself, and my identity, and am able to see that I am exactly as God intended me to be.  However, I offer all of that, as evidence of how misused “Issues in Human Sexuality” could be.  My superiors in that Diocese saw no incongruence between scripture and the way that they were acting, and “Issues in Human Sexuality” gave them the permission they needed to act in that way, and do so boldly.
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I think the House of Bishops forgets how diverse the Church is, and how very differently authority, hierarchy, theology, exegesis and practical application are treated around the world.  I sincerely hope this is not the case, but there will probably be places where the new guidance is going to be used for a witch-hunt of LGBT clergy & parishioners.

In the same way that "Issues" gave bullies and bigots the permission they needed to oppress & punish people within their churches, the new "Pastoral" guidance will give them the permission they need to discipline and shame clergy.

LGBT Clergy often cannot safely engage in the debate about this matter, because being outspoken comes at a price to your career.  If you're not sidelined by your colleagues, you're overlooked for senior posts.  How can free and fair debate take place, when one side is allowed to be as outspoken as they wish, and the other fears for their careers, their families and their lives?

These are dangerous times for young LGBT Christians in many of our churches ... having been discredited and banned by professional psychotherapy & counselling bodies in the West, we're seeing an increase in courses in Reparative Therapy (and even Aversion therapy) being offered in churches across the world, where these harmful (& sometimes fatal) treatments can operate without regulation.

This is not a time where the Church can afford to be anything less than welcoming and affirming to the LGBT community.

If you have a voice, please do use it ... write to the Editor of the Church Times, or your faith / denomination newsletter.  For too long, people have been making decisions about the LGBT community without considering or consulting us.  That needs to stop for true communication and change to happen.

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Help bring an end to the #GayBloodBan!

When I've challenged the National Blood Service's ban on gay blood in the past, I've received the same dodgy response each time (on one occasion, it was a skew photocopied note that had been typed on a typewriter - this was 2005).  When challenged, their response is that there is evidence that tells them that gay blood is a higher risk group, and therefore they ban all gay blood. The evidence referred to is often from decades ago.

They now proudly state that they've partially lifted the ban to allow gay men to donate blood, as long as they've been celibate for a full 12 months prior to the donation date.

However, that makes no sense. All blood should be tested routinely anyway, and safe sex is much more prevalent in the gay community than it is in the straight community. So, there is no basis for the National Blood Service's ban on gay blood, other than discrimination.

Gay men are excluded if they have sex, even protected sex, with a lifelong partner - even once - in the 12 month period before the donation date. Straight men who have unprotected sex with numerous partners can donate freely.
That's purposely placing an impossible hurdle in the way of gay men, purely to exclude them from donation.

Read this Pink News article about the petition, and then sign this petition to help bring a stop to this nonsensical ban which is discriminatory & adds to the blood shortage ... http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/allow-gay-and-bisexual-men-to-donate-blood-in-britain.html

Saturday 8 March 2014

Happy International Women's Day

With gratitude for the women who have played, and play, a role in shaping my life.

This list obviously includes my mother, who instilled the virtues of right & wrong in me, taught me how to manage my life and my household, taught me to cook, iron, clean, but also taught me how to assert myself, have a good argument, make my will known and stand firm.  When we were victims of the economic downturn in South Africa in the late 1980's, Mom was the one who swallowed pride and went looking for food with cap in hand, and we survived for several months on regular deliveries of food donations from our local Catholic church.

The list of influential women extends beyond to include teachers, inspirational friends, clergy, colleagues, nuns, cleaners, pioneers, and more.

The most inspirational teachers in my life were women; from Miss Kelleher who instilled a desire to work meticulously (albeit slowly) on my studies, to Miss Fleming & Miss Von Zeuner who showed me at the age of 12 how to begin to think independently when it came to politics (I was schooled during the apartheid era, which I knew was desperately wrong, but was not aware at the time that you could voice that you disagreed with the government, or that enough voices could change a country. These two teachers took a great risk by encouraging discussions in their classes that would not have been allowed by the school, and encouraged us to find our own voices);
The first person I came out to was a female friend - who helped me see that it wasn't a big deal - I was still the same person.
When my training incumbent subjected me to public humiliation when he discovered I was gay, and began a systematic breakdown of my career, including kicking me out of the parish, making me pay off a 3-yr car loan in 3 weeks, spreading rumours about me around the parish, pinning notices about me to public noticeboards, having me followed around town on days off and in the evenings, and more, it was a female friend who came to my rescue and paid for me to fly to her and stay with her, and who helped me see that my calling was a calling to serve God, not necessarily with a dog collar.
I have learned a lot about ministry from the women in my profession, who have been excluded from playing the institutional game, which made them easier to confide in and befriend. That's not to say that I haven't learn from men in ministry, particularly those who were around during my training years.  However, as people who have also often been sidelined by the official institution, the female ministers I've known have been both colleagues and confidantes, and I'm grateful for them.

This list is a starting point, there are so many more, from church cleaners who taught me about integrity & friendship that crosses income barriers, to parishioners who showed me different models of family & how to raise children (who knows, a skill I may yet need), to those who were, and still are, pioneers in male-dominated workplaces.

I should mention that I've long had a real respect and admiration for African women, those I met, and those I didn't, who - during the dreaded apartheid years, left their own families to be the nanny, cleaner, cook & household manager for white families, in order to provide for their own families. I'm astounded and humbled that they would do that, and often raise someone else's children without prejudice or agenda.

So, happy Women's Day, and I hope to live to see the day when we no longer need a Women's Day, or Pride festivals.